PinkWire

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2011-07-20T09:07:00.000-04:00

I've decided to take my talents to tumblr. For a chance of pace...for now... I'll be back. In the meantime...

Come tumbl with me. (Link)

Musings: ...So I Don't Even Bother

2011-05-27T15:29:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry...all rachetness aside, I find this video HILARIOUS! I'm not sure if she's a serious artist and I'm not trying to disrespect her at all. I actually like the old-school Cali feel of the track. I am however slightly offended at her choice of stage name... I mean "Kreayshawn" (Creation) *Insert wtf face here*. A slight mockery of the way black people choose to "creatively" spell their names? Idk, maybe I'm reaching...or not. Nonetheless, "Gucci, Gucci, Louis, Louis, Fendi, Fendi, Prada...basic bishes wear that ish so I don't even bother." Can it get any more real than that? I mean now a days you have girls spending their McDonald's paychecks on Louis bags and Louboutin-ing it up all the way to the bus stop. *shrugs* I guess...

When 140 Characters Isn't Enough...

2011-05-04T16:07:00.000-04:00

Ok so...If all you talk about is how good you look, how phat your lul butt is, how perfect your c-cups are, how pretty your face ang hair is, yet you're always talking about the fact that a guy stood you up, won't come over, during the day, deleted your comments off his wall on facebook and call you during the wee hours of the morning AND if your thirsty behind is always subtweeting a different dude telling them how attractive you think they are, I see a trend. Perhaps having a big butt, perfect boobs, a cute face and pretty hair is not all it takes to get someone to take you seriously...so you should probably stop...plus it's not cute.
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#Pause so now everyone is a hippie, or a weirdo? I really wish people would stop with all the feeble attempts to be "different" sometimes you just have to accept the fact that you're not as unique as you would like to think. It's ok.
#newsflash people that are genuine usually don't label themselves with cliche' terms such as "hippie" or "weirdo"...you know, if that's the vibe you were going for.
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I am corny. I have long ago accepted this fact. There is no need for anyone else to inform me. I KNOW. Being corny is amusing to myself as well as others, and most importantly, there isn't much I can do about it.
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Cliche'...but I can't see myself with anyone other than him. I can see myself single...but not with anyone else.
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"I can't save the world, I'm still working on myself. All I can do is share my life experiences in hopes that you will use them to protect yours." -Mashonda
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Whenever I'm having fun, I never seem to have the time to tweet about it. In fact most times when I'm having fun I can't even locate my phone. I just find it hard to believe that you're having as much fun as you say you are, if you're taking time out of said oh so fun activity to tweet.
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At the end of the day, I don't want to be famous. I don't want to work for some super cool magazine and move to California or NYC. I just want to write enough so that people can see it. I want to encourage discussion. I want to volunteer. I want to help mold young girls into fruitful women. I want to own a restaurant, write in my notebook and ~~sit at home with my kids~~ nah, I'd be bored when they went to school

Fin.

PWBC: Wounded by Claudia Mair Burney

2011-05-04T11:40:00.000-04:00

The very first PWBC meeting took place last week and while it was a small group we definitely had a great discussion. Wounded turned out to be a very different love story than what I was expecting based on the summary on the back cover. When you think of a young black woman being the main character of a story with such a title. Your mind most likely shifts to ideas of infidelity, young motherhood, violence etc. Claudia Mair Burney definitely surprised us with a refreshing depiction of a young black mother's love for Christ while battling real live physical wounds. Yes. A Stigmatic. Facing this miracle, The main character was presented with many new people in her life and had to quickly learn to discern their characters in order to keep herself and her child safe from the media and any other people who may try to take advantage of her. Trusted sources became not so trustworthy, while a perfect stranger became the perfect love. All in all it was a great read.

Go read it!

May's Book Choice: Straight, No Chaser by Steve Harvey.
Don't judge! This WILL be a bomb discussion.

We Want Pre-nup?

2011-04-14T10:32:00.001-04:00

For whatever reason the topic of prenuptial agreements has been following me all this week. I'm pretty sure that I am now thoroughly and completely disgusted with society's idea of marriage, and the "me, me, me" attitude that is applied to EVERYTHING.

The most cited reason I saw from the pro pre-nups was that they feel a need to protect themselves and their assets in the event that anything was to go down. I mean yea...I feel that hot shit. I understand the logic behind it, and if you are thinking about it that way then it makes sense. But let's back it all the way up.

When you are choosing a mate for marriage aren't you choosing someone to be your partner for life? Someone whom you trust wholeheartedly? Someone that you know well enough and understand their character? Someone with whom you've experienced hardships and can actually formulate an idea of how they react to hard situations in your relationship? Someone that you know, knows how to work through problems effectively when the going gets tough? Oh that's not what y'all look at in your relationships? Oh my bad. Y'all are too busy worrying about trying to sex him right and make sure you have his dinner ready every night and trying to do things that you think are "wifely" that y'all are not even focusing on the real tools of marriage and when you do that, you may just be setting yourself up for a potential divorce. *shrugs* Cuz baby you knowing how to slob on his knob, pearl his j, keep his liquor poured and keep a hot plate on the stove are definitely not the things that will save your marriage should anything ever go awry...But anyway, that's a whole 'nother story.

See, I don't think the problem is that people need to protect themselves, I think the bigger issue at hand is that people are not making wise decisions about the people that they choose to enter into marriage with. Please explain to me why it makes sense to marry someone who you feel the need to protect yourself from? I'll wait...

Asking me for a pre-nup ESPECIALLY when you're not super wealthy would not only be hugely offensive to me and my character, but it would cause me to re-consider the marriage and conclude the following:

You don't fully trust me or this relationship and in the back of your mind you are thinking that we could possibly fall apart one day...so you want to "prepare yourself"

You don't trust my character enough to know that if we WERE to get a divorce that I'm not a conniving biotch who will try to take things that aren't rightfully mine.

You don't trust a union that God brought together AND you don't trust him to see us through any issues that we may have in the marriage.

Perhaps this isn't a union that God brought together and you needing protection and reassurance from anyone other than God is an indicator. In which case I would need to reconsider if I'm even gonna marry you. *shrugs*

I just think its a bad start to a lifetime partnership to prelude it with trying to cover your own ass. That's selfish. Selfish doesn't work in marriage.

Perhaps if people would stop meeting people on e-harmony and black people meet and getting married after 6 months of being smitten with each other during the honeymoon stage of their relationships, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high

Perhaps if pressed females would stopped presenting dudes with ultimatums and begging him to put a ring on it after clinging to a sinking relationship for the past 8 years because they are afraid to be alone for a couple months to get themselves together, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Perhaps if dudes stopped marrying girls just to have some type of "ownership" of them because they don't want to see them with anyone else, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high

Perhaps if people stopped getting married just because they like the idea of marriage and they want to have a big party and shack up without being judged, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

Perhaps if people went into marriages thinking about how they can always survive as opposed to how easy it is to get out of it, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

AND THEN...you wouldn't have to worry about trying to protect yourself.

I don't know about y'all, but I will not not enter in holy matrimony with someone that I need to lie about my vows with. Everything that I stand at the alter and say to my husband will be just that.Vows. Promises. Which will most certainly include "Till death do us part, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer." What the Lord has brought together, let NO man put asunder. And THAT'S what I'm planning for. *hairflip*

Summary: Choose your marriage partners wisely and you wouldn't need to protect yourself. Point blank. Period.

A Very Miniature Rant

2011-04-11T13:36:00.001-04:00

I hate when people tell me I think I know everything. Saying that I "think I know everything" would imply
that every time I think I'm right about something, I'm actually always wrong or never know what I'm talking about. Generally If I don't know about something or don't have any hard facts, I won't debate it. Duh.

Whenever I'm interested in something, I take time out to research and inform myself more about it. Which means that I know a lot...about a lot of things. For the life of me, I could never understand why people ask questions and then act all funny when someone actually presents them with an answer to it. Umm did you not just ask a question? Why do I have to "think I know everything" just because I answered you? If you ask a question, I more than likely have an answer or can suggest somewhere you may be able to find more information, because I've probably already had the same question. BUT I like to find out answers rather than just wonder about things. So no, I don't think I know everything, but I probably know more than you. :-)

Get Hip.

2011-04-08T16:40:00.002-04:00

That was my slang for the day. :-) I first got mention of this new group from a Twitter post that got Erykah Badu fans all in a tizzy. She stated that she would follow anyone who twitpic'd a receipt showing that they had purchased KING's new EP. In an INSTANT people started tweeting all wild with their little screenshots of their itunes receipts. By the way she actually really did end up following all those people. But anyway, I decided to go check the EP out on itunes and I INSTANTLY fell in love. I didn't even twitpic my receipt to Erykah, I just sat and replayed the three tracks over and over again, I looked up and it was like 2am O_o.

So you know me, Harriet the Spy had to go trying to search for some information. I wasn't so much interested in how Erykah found out about them, but I wanted to know more about the girls. I didn't find out much other than the fact the group is made up of twins Amber and Paris Strother and Anita Bias. They produced the ENTIRE album themselves, vocals, arrangements and production and they even did their own music video with their own artwork.

I'm really disappointed that there are only three tracks, BUT they are SOLID tracks. Just thought I'd share my new obsession. Here is a video of the first track called "Story".

A Notebook full of Nothing

2011-04-06T14:44:00.000-04:00

You ever think of something like really tight? Then by the end of the day you forget? Then you get really upset because you missed out on the opportunity to expound upon your really tight thought? I started keeping a journal in my bag a couple months ago for that very purpose. Every random thought that I had I wrote down, some were expanded into full four page long type of deals, some just stayed naked thoughts and some I wrote over and over again every time the thought presented itself in my head.

So now I have a completely full journal. I mean completely. I have written on the front cover, inside cover, back cover, back inside cover. There. is. no. more. room. But as I sit here and look through my journal I can't help but feel dissapointed at the small amount of thoughts that I actually was able to complete. Mostly because so many of the incomplete thoughts are the ones that I feel the most passionate about...those are the ones that keep presenting themselves to me yet are plastered all over over my notebook without a finish. Blah.

I started recording my musings--things that provoke thought, memories, etc. to provide myself another avenue to express myself when I couldn't think...so I guess that's what I'll be doing for a while. I guess I'll just continue to share my musings until I can finish these thoughts cuz they sure are picking at me!

Hmph!

Am I The Only One...

2011-03-31T15:12:00.000-04:00

...Who thinks of old coutry western films when I hear this song? Something about it just gives me visions of John Legend in a plaid shirt with a pair of tight jeans, faded leather chaps and cowboy boots, with a smooth cowboy hat on posted up against the wall of a saloon, staring out into the sunset chewing on a piece of straw...I'm the only one? ...Oh.

Musings: Keep It Cute...Or Put It On Mute

2011-03-30T13:17:00.000-04:00

In college, my friend Brandii and I got by on rainy days by watching Chris Crocker's YouTube videos. I don't know where we found them and how, but for some reason I can quote Chris Crocker's videos and mimic every facial expression and hand movement. But hey... he speaks he truth...sometimes. lol "Keep it cute, or put it on mute...ok???"

Something I've Never Understood: Knock-offs

2011-03-30T10:24:00.000-04:00

I know we've all seen the 50-leven girls walking around with their very own version of the Louis Vuitton Damier bag, or the Gucci bag, or the coach bag complete with the monogrammed "G's" all over it. I've always wondered if they knew their merchandise was fake and actually thought they were fooling someone, or if they actually just thought they got a good deal from the nice man selling them from his stand at the corner (hey, you never know).

I understand that everyone can't afford designer bags, shoes, etc. My goal here is not to attack anyones place in life or make fun of what people can and cannot afford. My number one issue with knock-offs is that its usually of very poor quality. And number two, who said that in order to be fashionable/in-style/cool etc, that you had to be a walking billboard for the most expensive designer? Why not just buy nice things that YOU can afford? Instead of paying $50-$80 for a faux Louis Vuitton that's made of cheap plastic that will rip and tear at that handles with hardware that will tarnish, why not just go to Macy's or another store that carries quality leather bags and buy one for around the same price? It may not be by a hot designer but it's quality.

When people dish out big bucks for designer items, they're usually paying for luxurious quality. Super soft leather, durable handles, hardware that won' t break or tarnish and other indicators of high quality. When you buy a knock-off bag, you get none of that, the only thing you get is a stamp of someones designer label on a bag that they got from...who knows where. Which brings me to ask a question: Is only benefit of buying a knock-off bag, the appearance of having designer wear to other people? I mean...since you're obviously not getting any of the benefits of the quality of the product (or what the product is supposed to be) it just makes me think that the ONLY reason why people buy knock-offs so they can stunt for people who don't even care about their little stupid knock-off bag. Most people know they're fake and actually pay more attention to the fact that you're wearing a knock-off, than they would if you had on a nice bag sans the designer label.

Is having a designer label really all THAT important? We all know that most people can't really afford them anyway. I know I can't. I mean of course if I put an entire paycheck towards an authentic Louis Vuitton, I would definitely have enough money...but then again...why would you do that? To stunt? Oh ok. I just can't imagine walking around in a pair of Louboutins while I still live with my parents...That could be a mortgage payment somewhere...that's dumb...to me anyways. *Shrugs* I guess it's just crazy to really sit back and think about all that we do as a society to impress other people who could care less. Walking around in shoes and bags that you can't afford, or sacrificing quality for a knock-off label just so you appear to be rocking designer wear...like...why?

Enlighten Me.

Follow The PinkWire Book Club!

2011-03-28T20:29:00.000-04:00

Finally up and running for our VERY FIRST MONTH! For the month of April, we will be reading Wounded: A Love Story by Claudia Mair Burney. Feel free to follow along! I may even ustream our meeting at the end of the month. *shrugs* Who knows. If you're in the DMV area and are interested in participating in the meetings, you know how to contact me.

Happy Reading

Chris Brown: Anger Problem? Or A Guy That's Just Fed Up

2011-03-22T10:16:00.000-04:00

This morning the internet is ablaze over reports that Chris Brown wilded OUT at the studios of Good Morning America. Sources reported to TMZ that Robin Roberts repeatedly probed Chris with questions about Rihanna and his legal situation. Chris tried to avoid the questions but she just kept on pushing. Chris stormed off the set in an angry rage, yelling, and startling hair and make-up to the point where they called security. He went on to break a window in his dressing room, before exiting the building.

I do admit that's a little extreme, however you have to consider that when someone is in the media an under constant scrutiny, you don't always have the opportunity to handle your anger, let alone any other emotions, in a healthy way. This may have been a breaking point for him. Chris Brown has been apologizing and interviewing about this subject for a long time. Why wait until the day when his album comes out to ask him about Rihanna, which is probably one of the darkest points in his life? We all know that Chris grew up in a home where he saw violence, so yes we know that he is not 100% normal in that sense. But why must we keep provoking him? When are we just gonna let this man live?

Thoughts?

New Feature!

2011-03-21T17:35:00.000-04:00

Check out my latest guest post! If you love me you would just go :-)

http://yeahshesaidit.com/2011/03/21/is-being-dysfunctional-okay-as-long-as-you-are-paid/

OK Bye :-)

Online Dating in 2011

2011-03-21T14:20:00.000-04:00

I came across this (LINK) article today at Clutch Mag, clearly they're one of my faves. Anyway, it talked about the rising popularity of online dating. It hit home for me because well...I met my boyfriend on facebook. To me, it's a little different than lookin for love on an online dating site. I didn't register for facebook with the sole purpose of finding a mate. It's actually something I never thought I would do. It just worked out that way because he actually went to the neighboring University, so we were able to take it offline and meet up in person.

Initially I was a little wary of going on a date with someone who I met initially on facebook, but then I reasoned with myself. I mean he had mutual friends that I knew, I saw him in pics with people that I knew. So I could conclude that he wasn't on the net using someone else's photo, and that he was actually social enough in real life to be out and about and in pictures with people that I knew-- Basically he wasn't just some weirdo who could only talk on the internet. As for the "crazy factor" A guy you meet at happy hour could be crazy too! So using that logic, I agreed to a date. I Informed my friends to take down his license plate info and phone number (jk...but for real) And I went on the best date of my life on September 30th, 2007. And in 2011 we are still here. I don't think the internet was that much of a factor in this situation seeing as though I could have met him at a football game where our schools played each other, or at the mall that was situated between both of schools. The internet was just chance.

As for online dating sites, I would never do it...honestly I wouldn't even recommend it to any of my friends. No particular reason, its just not something I would recommend. It would make sense that both parties involved would both have the same goal of finding a relationship, so you wouldn't have to weed out candidate's based on that aspect. But I have to question some of the motives for signing up for online dating. A popular reason for online dating is that some people just don't have the time to put into the courting process. I would have to wonder if someone doesn't have time to court me, then how would they have time to date me? *shrugs* Another common reason is that they are older and really ready to settle down. I'm all for knowing what you want, but I just feel like there may be some desperation and rushing to factor in as well. Those are just my observations, I'm not judging at all. These are just things that I would consider. Overall, I say we're all grown, so how you choose to date should be up to you. *shrugs* As long as you're safe and know who you're dealing with, then date away.

What say you?

Quote of the day...

2011-03-15T15:40:00.000-04:00

"The quickest way to bring the insecurities out of a woman is to put her around a woman that exudes confidence...watch her hate."

That's in response to a comment board in the original article from the "Question of the Day" post.

After a couple back and forths, I said:

"You could sit and make separation out of everything. Fact of the matter is, at some point you have to take it upon yourself to recognize your own beauty and not depend on the media, because if you waited for the media to include a representation of every single person, you would be waiting forever and it still wouldn’t change how you feel about yourself. If you think you are beautiful, the inclusion of someone who looks exactly like you would make you feel no more or less beautiful. It wouldn’t matter. That is my point. "

To which a commenter who calls herself "guest" said:

"That's fine and dandy. When EVERY WOMAN IN THE UNIVERSE thinks like you do in Mamby Pamby Land--la da da, la da da...... "im strong im beautiful and no one can bring me down ever! VIVA AGIULARA!" Then your point will be totally vaild. At the end of day, every woman wants to shine. And I think they should."

So I'm wrong for looking within myself for my confidence and encouraging others to do the same? Is the idea of women having their OWN self confidence so lofty? Does she have to constantly attack my opinions to justify her argument? Like every comment I made she made a mockery of, or used a negative adjective to describe it. Sad, but whatever. At the end of the day, you can choose to mope around and pick out something wrong with everything you look at, it won't make you feel better. You will just continue to be stuck.

I hope that women can find it in themselves to know that they are beautiful in their own right and don't need the validation of anyone or anything. No man, no commercial, no magazine, no music video. Let's not wait for someone else to validate what we already know about ourselves. We are ALL beautiful.

Randomocity...No?

2011-03-15T11:21:00.000-04:00

One of things that annoys me the most is societies inability to think for themselves. People listen to the media and other people more than they actually take the time to think about something and make their own deductions. For example: Remember that double down sandwich from KFC? The one that everyone called a "heart-attack sandwich". What I was waiting for was ONE person...just one to explain to me why they thought this sandwich was a heart attack waiting to happen other than the obvious facts they that heard someone else say it (of course no one will admit to that).

The double down sandwich consists of two chicken patties, grilled or fried that act as the "bread" of the sandwich with cheese and bacon as the "meat" of the sandwich. That's two pieces of meat, cheese and bacon. Ok so then you have some people who will eat Two chicken sandwiches, or even go to Five Guys and eat two double cheeseburgers. If you eat two chicken sandwiches, you are eating, two full buns, top and bottom, two meat patties, and two servings of bacon and cheese. So essentially If you think about it, eating a double down would be the healthier option. No bread. Less carbs. :-)
*****
Reading Comprehension is a highly underestimated skill. "What good do your words do, If they don't understand you?"
- E. Badu
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Do you ever wonder if whores feel remorse? Like do they really plan to be whores and just don't care? Or do they just fall into it and really feel bad about it after they realize that what they're doing is whoring? I had this thought after I watched Evelyn Lozada on the Basketball Wives reunion. She kind of looks sad sometimes. *shrugs* oh well. Happy Whoring.
*****
Has anyone else notice that when someone is loud, ghetto, crass, and rude that they're tagged as "keeping it real"? How do we know that's even real? What if it's actually fake? What if he/she is speaking complete and utter bs? So all you have to do is roll your neck, point your finger and be loud and rude to be considered real? Cuz every time I say something apparently I think I know everything. Maybe I'll try a neckroll and say it with my chest next time.
*****
I'm a strong believer in moving silently. I mean if you were really rising and grinding everyday then shouldn't be grinding instead of on twitter talking about it? And how you rising and grinding waking up at 8am? I been up since 5:30 slim, already at work with my cup of tea while you were sleeping.
*****
I think I enjoy Southern Comfort enough to purchase a bottle. It tastes great with peach tea.
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How come when people make negative blog comments they always comment under "anonymous" or "guest"? Shady.

Question of The Day...

2011-03-14T15:55:00.000-04:00

I was doing my daily blog/online mag cruising and I came across this article at Clutch. (which has become one of my favorite sites btw) A reader wrote in because she felt that dark skinned black women were underrepresented on the site. *eyeroll* While most commenters disagreed and said that they felt that Clutch was one of the few websites that do feature a wide variety of beauty. Meh...I could care less, I couldn't even tell you if they do or don't That's not really what I focus on when I read the articles there because I'm...well...reading the articles.

Anyway, aside from the whole color spectrum issue, I have been wondering for long time Why we as grown women need someone to constantly represent our specific type of beauty in order for us to feel valid? I mean , light, dark, thin, plus-sized, relaxed, natural. It's always such a big issue. In my opinion, it really doesn't matter. If YOU know you're beautiful, if YOU'RE confident and secure, why do you need someone to represent YOU? Why not represent yourself on a daily basis and stop highlighting separations?
Read the article (HERE)

So Question of the day:

Why do women need to see a constant representation of themselves in order to feel like their "type" of beauty is valid? And even deeper, If a publication featured only dark-skinned, women, only plus-sized women, or only natural women, do you think there would be any outrage, letter writing etc. from the other side?

Random Thoughts About Love

2011-03-10T12:32:00.000-05:00

None of these thoughts are necessarily related. Just a compilation of things I jot down in my notebook whenever I think about love, hear someone else speak about love, or struggle with love...or the idea of love. Honestly, I'm just tired of seeing people down talk love. Saying it's overrated or it doesn't exist.These random blurbs may not even make sense to anyone but me. I thought I'd share. Take it how you want. Some thoughts are unfinished...some thoughts are repetitive...but here you go.
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Love is like that popular kid in school, or a celebrity that everyone claims to know. You know, when you hear someone say "Yea, I know so and so, we went to high school together" If you ever get the chance to meet so and so and ask them yourself they're like "Ummm no, I don't know that person, I mean I've seen them before, but I don't KNOW them" Yea...that's kind of how I think of Love.

Everyone throws the term love out there like they know her...yea let's just say love is a her. They call her overrated, they say there is nothing to define it, Some say she doesn't even exist. In my opinion, its easy to say such things about something or someone, when you haven't yet experienced it for yourself. Or even better when you have experienced something that you thought was love, but it really wasn't. You may have seen love before, you have spoken to her in the hallways and maybe she didn't hear you so she didn't speak back. But you don't KNOW her. You may have had a brief conversation with her and wasn't impressed, so you call her overrated. But you don't KNOW her. Some people may feel what I'm saying some may not.

I'm here to defend Love. If you knew love, there would nothing negative you could say about her. Just because you had one little brief experience where you THOUGHT you met love, doesn't mean you know her. Give love a chance. Get to know her.
.......
When you go around looking for love, you tend to project the idea of love on everyone. You go around trying to be in love with everyone instead of trying to get to know them. You may find out later, that you don't even like them...but then you claim love is overrated. You don't know love...
.......
Love is not something that just "comes with time". You don't just grow to love someone. You can grow to tolerate. You can grow to be comfortable. You can grow to be infatuated (that fades after a short while). But just because you've been with someone for a long period of time doesn't mean that you are in love. Love is a choice and a conscious effort between TWO people...
.......
Love is not a step. So many people treat it as the next thing in line on a relationship timeline. "1st you meet, then you date for 3 weeks. After 3 weeks he must commit to me, after 6 months he must tell me he loves me, after 3 years he must propose to me." Then find themselves 10 years later waking up next to someone who they don't even like. Complaining about everything they do. Should have taken the time to get to know that before you decided to pursue an exclusive relationship. So many people have got it backwards.
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Love is a choice that both people have to make. If you have chosen to love someone and they don't love you back then don't blame love, blame yourself for choosing to love someone that didn't choose to love you back.
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If a man is truly interested in you, he WILL let you know. He will be exclusive if he wants to. He will call if he wants to. He will come see you wherever you are (within his means) if he wants to, he will take you anywhere you want to go (within his means) if he wants to. So if you have to beg and nag for any of the above, maybe its not just a man being afraid to love or afraid to commit. Maybe he's just not that into you.
.......
Many people look for a definition of love, citing the dictionary and other references. I think the bible defines what love is quite clearly. These are the characteristics of love. This is what you experience and project to others when you're in love.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious, or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way ; It is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

This is what GOD said, so if you take a situation that doesn't model this but in fact is based off of other things like sex, attractiveness, selfishness or loneliness and call it love, How can you be surprised when your relationship is miserable and ridden with argument, resentment and the bad times outweigh the good? How can you blame LOVE for your shortcomings? God told you here what love is. Some people just need to learn to be obedient. IT'S RIGHT HERE, clearly spelled out. When you find someone who models these things THEN you have found love. But until then... you don't know love.
.......
And my final thought and favorite quote:

"Whoever says love is overrated, must not be getting none."
-Amel Larrieux

Wifey vs. Wife

2011-03-08T14:24:00.000-05:00

I follow tons of blogs and online magazines in my google reader cuz you know... I like to read and stuff. (lol) So I came across an article at Madame Noir that cought my eye. It was about about the difference between being called someone's wifey and actually being married,and it referenced the characters of VH1's new reality show Love & Hip Hop.

I have had this discussion with many close friends and I too believe that a man calling a woman his wifey is kind of like a pacifier in a sense. Women don't seem to like being called "the #1" anymore because that implies that there are others. So VOILA a new word. "Wifey": giving girls hope since 2002 (or whenever that song came out). I mean think about it. How many married men do you ever hear say "wifey"? I'm sure there are a few corny ones who do, but I'm talking majority here. And how many "wifeys" are always using their wifey status as a one-up on some other chick? "I'm wifey, so I need to let all these other chicks know." Well wifey...there you have it. Other chicks. *smacks forehead*

As simple as it may seem, I think chicks get so hung up on the word wifey because it sounds so much like wife. It's like an "almost there" kind of thing...I guess, idk. *shrugs* Check out the article (HERE)

Why Do Women Have to be So STANK!?

2011-03-07T14:46:00.000-05:00

Being that I have a certain "look" (whatever that's supposed to mean), It's not uncommon for me to hear people tell me that I "looked stuck-up"upon first meeting me, so they thought I would be mean, but after meeting me, I turned out to be really nice. This is unfortunately something that bothered me, so over the years I made an extra effort to smile and look approachable...especially to other females.

So this past weekend I met some friends at a tattoo shop. Actually our boyfriends were meeting and we both just tagged along and used the tattoo shop as our meeting location as well since both of our boyfriends were already meeting each other there. My friend's boyfriend is already in the back getting prepped for his ink. My boyfriend and I walk in the tattoo shop and I see my friend immediately. But of course upon entry to the shop I speak to the girl who was standing in the front. She didn't look too nice, but I don't like to judge by that because I know how that is. Maybe she just didn't have anything to smile about at the immediate moment. That's fine. So I smiled and said hello...come to think of it, I don't even know if this heifer gave me any response other than a mean side-eye...Ok..that's fine, I'm not really here to see you anyway. *shrugs*

Anyway, I assume she works at the shop judging by her position at the counter. Now... usually when you walk into an establishment the employee greets the customer and asks how she can help. She didn't. Ok maybe she had seen me wave at my friend behind her and assumed that I didn't need any help. Actually I KNOW she saw me wave AND speak to my friend who was directly behind her.

Here's the problem: The girl is standing in the very narrow walkway that I would have to pass through to get to my friend. So after I said hello, I paused a little and waited for any indication that I couldn't just walk back and meet my friend since we were already kind of talking through the walkway. There was none. So I continued walking in the direction of my friend, I just assumed that I could just walk back since she didn't say anything else to me and it was clear that I was meeting someone who was already back in that area. My friend who was sitting right behind her even said "Come back here." If I could hear it, then she heard it too. Then would have been an opportune time to say " Actually I'm going to have to have you wait here." Or whatever she was going to say. Nope. She said nothing. So as I get approach the walkway and say "excuse me" she then goes "Can I help you?" In the STANKEST tone. Totally out of line. Perhaps you should have asked me that when I first walked in instead of mean-mugging. So I reply. Oh, I'm just meeting some friends. Then she goes, "Oh I can't have you just walking back there you need to wait" Ok, completely understandable. My problem is her tone, her eye-rolling and her neck rolling. I just smiled and said "Oh ok, no problem." Still trying to be nice and keep the peace. It's no big deal it's not like my friend and I were staying in the shop anyway, I was just gonna go say hey to her boyfriend real quick and we were leaving. So I'm standing there waiting as my friend says goodbye to her boyfriend and this chick feels the need to repeat herself. OK BIOTCH. I heard you the first time you twisted your little neck at me and rolled your little beady eyes. So my friend emerged from behind her, and we left. That's all we were going to do anyway.

When I got outside I immediately started re-capping the story to my friend, trying to see from another perspective if I had done anything wrong that may have rubbed her the wrong way. Her response? "Oh she's always rude, I think she just doesn't like girls who look better than her." Ok so now I'm mad because this just confirmed the fact that I didn't do anything wrong and she was just being a rude, salty , stank biotch when I came in there smiling and being nice. I even continued to smile and be nice after she got an attitude. My reflexes just don't allow me to be rude back to someone when they're initially rude to me. I have this automatic "kill them with kindness" button. But sometimes I wish I could just curse people out when they start coming at me wrong. I don't know if I'm more mad that she tried to get rude with me, or the fact that I didn't curse her ass out when I had the chance.

Anyway, I shared this with another friend who coincidentally got a tattoo done by this same chick. Her response? " Yea, she was rude to me too when I saw her out in public. I think it's cuz she's ugly." Hmmm what a coincidence. Two different people who say she walks around salty all day because she is envious of other women. I would take it a step further and include the name of this establishment where she displayed such poor customer service. But that would be ugly of me.

I know other people have similar experiences where females are just rude to them even when they trying their best to be nice. What is up with women like this? Why are women so STANK all the time!? Does it really have to do with how they feel about their own physical appearance?

Weigh In.

Randomalities...No?

2011-03-04T11:37:00.002-05:00

I still haven't started this 30 day blog challege thing. I think I probably won't and just continue to do what I want. *shrugs*

I hate when people don't put the "-ed" on the ends of words. Like they say "I am so bless"...it's blessed. God will bless you, you will be blessed. Or "I'm eating mash potatoes and bake chicken" The potatoes have been mashed, the chicken has been baked... elementary my dear Watson...elementary.

I don't like to let my nails get the length they are now. I feel like a hoodrat, tapping on these keys with these long nails. *pulls out fingernail clippers*...jk,jk not at work. lol

I had a dream that I got my nipples pierced...when I woke up I was kind of mad because they weren't pierced. 1. They didn't hurt in the dream so I feel like I beat the system a little bit 2. I kinda looked cute with them in the dream...ok TMI

~~My supervisor is the most annoying...~~ Nevermind.

I just feel like...I shouldn't be able to tell through your side profile...behind your tinted windows that you have those stupid fan, plastic eyelashes. *shudders*

If your cell phone is your most valuable/prized possetion...then I'm judging you.

Greek yogurt is DISGUSTING. I only eat it because I don't get hungry for like 5 hours after eating it. *yuck face*

That is all.

I See Ya Through the Smoookkkkke

2011-03-04T11:06:00.000-05:00

So my bestfriend is coming to town this weekend for a job rotation that she's doing. *happy dance* Decided to give her little shoutout because this song came on shuffle that made me thing of her. (she's gonna be mad lmao) In my opinion this is the BEST song about weed EVER! lls I mean, not that I listen to a lot of weed music anyway, since I don't smoke it. But the fact that I even listen to it speaks volumes. I did't even realize what she was talking about for the longest. *smacks forehead* Shoutout to Meh and all the other girls who get "blue without their green".

Musings: So Appalled

2011-03-03T13:02:00.001-05:00

This is like...a cool song to be mad when you listen to. It's like the perfect soundtrack for angry head bobbing, but it's not like...scream, jump up and down and throw stuff angry. It's more like "Man forget this! I'm going for a drive!" angry. Then you get in the car and put this song on and bop your head while you're driving.

Yea, I just imagined this whole scene in my head as it just came on shuffle. That's what music does to me. *shrugs*

True Life: My Boyfriend is a Social Butterfly

2011-03-03T12:52:00.000-05:00

"Maybe I'm selfish, I want you to myself I can't help it"

Sometimes it's hard being the girlfriend of a social butterfly. Not a social butterfly like always on the scene and is friends with everyone in town. Just in the sense that he has the gift of gab and everyone he comes in contact with just...likes him. I'm not that sociable. I would even go as far as to say I'm shy...well at first, but I get comfortable eventually.

Anyway, I'm not really that keen on the dealings and interactions of the social butterfly types. Somethings just come off as weird and invasive to me, like talking to random people. It just catches me off guard. Not that I won't engage, I'm not MEAN. I'm just generally not an initiator...but I'm working on it.

My boyfriend on the other hand is the complete opposite. People just gravitate towards him both men and women. Have you ever just met someone that everybody likes? Yup that's my boyfriend. He could probably go to the grocery store and come back out with 2 or 3 new friends. (jk, jk) It's amazing! I mean for the most part I actually love to watch him work a room. He just has this undeniable captivating charm, not to mention his warm smile and inviting eyes that almost say "hey, come over here and talk to me, I'm friendly". It's one of the things that I admire about him.

But some days, I just don't feel like seeing other women all up in his face or hearing him tell me about some long drawn out conversation with some female. Sometimes I feel like I'm being mean because I know he only shares stories with me because he thinks it's something I would be interested in and all I can think about is "dang is she always at your desk at work talking to you?" Sometimes I just want to throw a tantrum * mine, Mine, MINE!* LOL

I know its silly, and I know when I'm being petty and irrational. I know he doesn't mean anything by it. It's not his fault that he has a magnetic personality. That's what drew me to him, so I can't deny that other people will notice it too. But some days I just don't want chicks all giggling in my man's face...shit.

What are your petty jealous moments?

Musings: Do You Have The Number To That OTHER Bass Player???

2011-03-03T10:46:00.000-05:00

I would NOT get out of the car this morning until this song went off. This song just makes me feel all warm inside. Like driving with the sun roof open, drinking slurpees and walking around in georgetown...and cookouts. Idk why though because people don't generally bust out the Erykah at cookouts. Hmmm I think I'll start that. Erykah...the new cookout music. Maybe not...maybe just this song. *shrugs*

I Almost Lost My Life at TGI Friday's

2011-03-02T16:07:00.001-05:00

Ok I'm exaggerating, but what I DO know is that I will never step foot in the Friday's on Rt. 29 EVER again. Me and my boyfriend decided to go to Friday's at around 10:30 last Friday night. Mind you my boyfriend and I have never been to this particular Friday's location before, we just wanted some cheap food and a couple drinks. So. We walk into the bar area and we take the only table available since everything was packed. Cool. We order our drinks and order our food. Great. So now we're just chillin, talking and people watching, cuz that's what we like to do. Anyway, as we're sitting there these two girls walk in. MAN. When I say busted... big "curly hair" lacefronts, leggings and one of the many cheap looking renditions of over-the-knee boots. Oh yea, don't forget the BAPS nails and the plastic fan false lashes. I think one of them may have had a monroe piercing too. So anyway, They walk into the bar area and I assumed they were just checking for any open seating. There was none. So they left. Ok put those girls on the shelf for a while.

I noticed a guy with long dreadlocks come in and occupy a table directly in front of us. There had already been three girls sitting there the whole time. I thought nothing of it...UNTIL In walks the two hoodrat girls but this time they're accompanied by a third. The two butch ones stood by the door as the tiny one approached the dreadlocked guy. I didn't think anything of it but by the time I looked back up. Ohhhhh man. The little squirt is all up in his face.

"Oh so this is what it is? Huh? This is what it is?"

Meanwhile I'm thinking dude must have just got caught in the act of being somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. So she's all finger waving and neck rolling in his face. Next thing I know, the situation evolved into a light scuffle. He touched her, she pushed his hand, he smooshed the HECK out of her head. Then he proceeds to stand up. UH-OH. I may have failed to include that the only open-space was in front of our table, and the table was in the corner so we would have been blocked in and all up in the action had anything popped off. So the girl fixes her weave and leaves.

"Oh ok, ok I see how it is, Ok"

I overheard Mr. Dreadhead tell someone at the neighboring table that the girl was his cousin's baby's mother. Ummmm what? Why is she all in YOUR face then? Now. At this point, I hint to boyfriend that we could leave at anytime since our food hadn't arrived yet. Shooot I don't play that mess. *hairflip* Here HE goes:

"Relax girl , ain't nothing bout to happen."

Y'all should have peeped the major side eye that I gave him. You don't know what she is about to do, she probably outside calling her big cousin pooky up here to come handle her light work!

So how about 10 minutes later this guy walked into Friday's and I already KNEW what table he was headed to. Yup. Right over to Mr. Dreadhead.

"Oh so that's what we do, we hitting females now? You ain't have to put your hands on her though, you ain't have to put your hands on her though!"

to which Mr. Dreadhead replies

"What you wanna do?! What you wanna do?!"

At this point I have my coat in hand ready for my queue to hit the door. But of course my boyfriend is still sitting there eating his fries. The two guys get in each others face for about 30 seconds before they decide to take it outside. Here goes my boyfriend:

"As long as they ain't messin wit you then it's not a problem"

Umm idk about you but, maybe I watch too much nightly news. Nightclub scuffles turning into gunfights, bar scuffles turning in gunfights, FRIDAY'S scuffle's turning into gunfights...ok another exaggeration...but still. I'm a very cautious person. *hairflip* Oh but I'm not done yet. So remember the girls at the table that Mr. Dreadhead was sitting with? Ok. Then remember the butch girls that came in with the little tiny one? Ok. They start another scene about 10 minutes later. The girl who was eating with Mr. Dreadhead came back into the restaurant, I assume to close her check since they had all rushed out before. So now the two big butch girls are following her around the bar taunting her as she's trying to get the attention of the bartender. *smacks forehead* Get.me.outtahere.

Not to mention our server was wack and kept taking forever for everything AND they didn't even ave the 10pm happy hour prices.

Nope. Not going back.

The McLobster: McD's Take on a New England Classic sigh

2011-03-02T15:09:00.000-05:00

Seriously McDonald's? Seriously? I've had a lobster roll before and it was great. This? I think I'll toss this in the pile with the McRib *shudders* Apparently these have been out for awhile in the far northern states, but for some reason it's surfacing on Twitter today. *shrugs* Me no know. But what I do know...is that I will never part my lips to receive a McLobster. *yuck face*

The Age Old Debate: PWI's vs. HBCU's (Here we go again)

2011-03-02T10:50:00.002-05:00

I came across an article today over at Clutch Magazine (article here). Obviously the writer was offended that so many people make arguments that HBCU's are somehow inferior to PWI's. I can see how one can become offended because I have seen some really silly arguments about the topic that just scream self-hatred, and elitism. I just thought I would share my opinion. At the end of the day, I don't think it's a matter of inferiority, I think it's just a matter of personal choice. To each his own.

I am a graduate of a PWI. I chose a PWI over an HBCU for a number of reasons. While I chose the PWI, I did apply to both HBCU's and PWI's. The PWI just appealed to me more because:

1. The HBCU that I was considering and was accepted to, didn't offer me that much scholarship money, I didn't qualify for financial aid, and it was out of state. They also had very strict rules which was something that I was trying to escape in my own home. So I opted for the in-state school since my parents would be paying out of pocket.

2. I had come from a background of majority black schools from elementary, to middle, to high school. I wanted to immerse myself in a new environment and experience things that were out of my comfort zone. For example, living with a white girl. I had never really made friends with and had a real conversation about anything other than school or work with a white girl. The fact that we had to share our most intimate space (our bedroom AND bathroom) opened up a lot of doors for communication and learning on both sides.

3. The dorms were nicer and the food options were better *shrugs* For a cheaper price than the aforementioned HBCU, the dorm room was large enough that I wouldn't have to have my bed next to my roommate's. (it was across the room). We had carpet instead of those dreadful cold tile floors. The rooms just looked home-y compared to most schools both PWI and HBCU. I wouldn't have to share my bathroom with the whole floor, just the two girls next door. The bathroom was between our rooms with doors for entry in each of our rooms. AND we controlled our own air conditioning and heat in each room.

On to food. There was a dining hall two steps outside my dorm room door. A food court type place, a grill that stayed open until 11, and a cafe type place all in the student union. There was another cafe in one of the classroom buildings, another grill on the old side of campus, another dining hall in that same building, as well as a cafe in the center for the arts. That's a lot of food options. It was about comfort. If I'm going to be living here, I need to know that I'm in a comfortable living situation, and the food is good. I was sold on that lol. This in my opinion had nothing to do with the school being PWI or HBCU, it was just my personal preference in terms of my living situation after visiting both schools. I have ever made the argument that PWI's have better dorms and food in general, because I didn't visit enough schools to compare the two. Moving on.

I don't believe that you necessarily get a better education at PWI's than HBCU's, but I do believe that you have to work harder at PWI's and that teaches you alot about how the real world operates. For example:
A lot of friends I know talk about how they would all gather and study as group for exams and homework assignments, they would help each other cheat etc. I'm not knocking that. But at my school, those white kids were not inviting you to the study or trying help anyone but themselves. Cheating? Sharing answers? Out of the question. It further drove home the fact that the world is a competition to them. When you're comfortable around other black people who want to see each other succeed, you have a support system. But when you get in that work world that may be majority white? Everything is cut-throat and vindictive. I have SO many stories that speak of such vidictive behavior in my classmates. I mean you wouldn't believe it. Seriously. No one is on your team but you. I learned that in college. Some people may learned that before college, but I didn't. Why? Because I was so used to Black teachers who wanted to see me succeed so they helped me, Black classmates who felt like we were in this together,so we helped each other. But in the real world it's not like that, and I'm glad for the experience.

I also had to work twice as hard to get the same GPA as some of my friends at HBCU's. For example, my school operated on a +/- grading scale. Coming from a public school system, I wasn't used to that. For example, you have to get an 84% to get a solid "B" where on a regular grading scale you just have to get an 80%. So lets say we both got straight "B's" for the semester. You would get a 3.0, while I would have a 2.67. So really I have a C average and not a B average which means B's are now unacceptable for me. It kind of raised my standards. Again this is just me.

Also, When you go to a school where you are the only Black person in your class, for the most part the black unity outside of the classroom is ever present. Mostly due to the fact that you're just happy to see another Black face. I wasn't faced with the same pettiness and drama that some people complained about at their schools (both PWI and HBCU). There weren't many Black guys there, so no distractions and boy drama etc., everyone pretty much just hung out together. The Black population at my school was pretty united, and we even had a Black Student Union.

Finally in the discussion of race relations it seems to me that a lot of the people that argue "Black people need to get over racism" are people that come from HBCU's and I think the main reason for that is that they don't see it and they aren't surrounded by it. I mean how could you really understand the dynamics of racism in 2011 if you have been surrounded by Black people for the past 4 years? Sit in a classroom with them, listen to them speak about certain subjects in class. Hell, try to reserve a room for a Black Student Union event in the Student Union at a White school. You would have no choice but to see it. So in that sense, yea I kind of feel like products of HBCU'S are blinded from racism during their time at college.

At the end of the day, I don't feel like anything that I said speaks inferiority of HBCU's. If anything these were just MY personal preferences and the experiences that I took with ME. I valued my time at a PWI because it taught me a lot. I went through periods of time where I called my mother in tears because of racism I experienced. I went through times of empowerment and unity withing the Black community at my school, but most importantly I got an education and made some lifetime friends there, just like everyone else at ANY other institution, and that's what matters at the end of the day.

What's your experience?

P.S. I do feel the need to express the fact that I did miss out on one of the greatest HBCU experiences. A BAND! Man our band sucked...

Features!

2011-03-01T16:13:00.002-05:00

If you love me, then make sure you check out ALL of my features. Catch up!

Too Much, Too Soon? (under my new pen name I'm trying out.)
http://yeahshesaidit.com/2011/03/01/ladies-learn-not-to-give-too-much-too-soon/

Ni**as Ain't Sh*t!: Check Yourselves First Ladies
http://yeahshesaidit.com/2011/02/08/ngas-aint-shit-syndrome/

What's So SCARY about Relationship Titles?
http://yeahshesaidit.com/2011/02/03/why-is-the-idea-of-giving-a-woman-a-title-so-scary-to-men/

Also check out my gossip column "The Break Room" at TFM Outloud!
http://www.tfmoutloud.com/inside/gossip/gossip-gossip/

Natural Hair: The New Hierarchical Divide?

2011-03-01T16:02:00.003-05:00

This is a topic that has been plaguing me for about two years. Although I stopped getting relaxers in 2007, I have become very annoyed with the recent wave of "Natural Hair" and couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Am I a bad person for being annoyed? Am I a "hair Nazi"? What's my problem? I get that everyone "goes natural" for different reasons. Some people want to rid themselves of the chemical process, For some people its an expression of self-acceptance and for some people like myself, there was no deep heartfelt, moral or spiritual reason.

I was away from home at college. I was used to going to same hairstylist and wasn't really too keen on just trying someone new. One day I needed a relaxer BAD. So out of desperation, I went with a friend to this random salon in Baltimore to get my hair done. I hated it. It felt too thin, my scalp burned for the 1st time in all my years of getting relaxers...it was just bad. Whatever type of relaxer she put in my hair was too strong. Plus I didn't have the money to regularly get my hair done anyway. So that day I decided that I wouldn't get anymore relaxers and just do my hair myself. There you have it my "natural journey" If you must call it that. I also want to bring to the limelight that I don't see anything wrong with relaxers. I got my first relaxer at probably the age of 5 or 6. All I know, is that my hair was down to my butt, it was thick and I was tender headed. I don't blame my Mom. My hair remained healthy, long and thick, even after bleach and coloring. When I decided to stop getting relaxers, my hair was past the middle of my back. Now it's the shortest it's ever been. But I digress from that. I just wanted to illustrate that I don't see anything damaging, or wrong with people who choose to relax their hair. I'm not one of THOSE people.

Ok, back to the point. I don't get relaxers, so that classifies me as "natural". Cool. Fine. Whatever. But I guess what's been bothering me is the fact that so many women are claiming to have gone natural to embrace their roots, embrace their natural texture and stop altering their appearance to conform to standards of beauty. Ok that's fine. But my discrepancy lies in the fact that the same women who are shouting "I'm embracing my natural roots" from the heavens are the main ones that are buying all of these hair products and using all of these methods to stretch, texturize, and silken their hair, and going to the Dominicans to get that Dominican flow, or the Brazilian blowout. If you're so proud of your natural hair then why don't you just wear it? With all of these "natural hair" products out, that promise to stretch your kinks into curls etc. It makes me wonder if women are after their natural texture or the texture of the girls on the mixed-chicks hair products website.

This year, I have been noticing more and more products, blogs and message boards geared towards natural hair, which can be a help because learning to care for your hair in a different way after you have gone 18+ years of caring for it another way can be a challenge. It's nice to share that with other people who may have insight. I still haven't mastered it yet. That's probably why the length of my hair has gone from the middle of my back to just past shoulder length since I made the switch. However I often get disturbed when I see women seeking advice on how to get their hair to curl up, or what products to use to make it silkier. I'm always left confused. If your hair isn't curly then nothing will MAKE it curl. People who have silky hair just have silky hair, there isn't a product that MADE their hair silky. That's their natural texture. What happened to embracing yours? See message board post HERE.

*Update* After reading this post, a friend sent me this video. Watch for yourself and see what I mean. She spends HOURS manipulating her "natural hair" to mimic another hair type.

I guess that's what has women inquiring about my wash and go asking "How did I get my hair like that" I'm never sure what type of response they're expecting because to me it's very clear that I have naturally curly hair. But now with all of these products out made to make women think they can change their hair texture to curly, I can understand why they're asking. A lot of women may argue that wash and go is never really wash and go. But quite frankly, when I wear my hair in that style, I don't do much other than wash and go. I rinse my hair in the shower, comb conditioner through, rinse that out, then towel dry my hair as I'm putting on my lotion and all that jazz. I Add about a quarter sized amount of Miss Jessie's rub it in my hands, and put it in my hair, focusing in the middle, and go on about my day. Voila. No shingling, or any other of that new natural hair terminology. It takes 30 minutes, tops and that's including the shower and applying lotion afterwards.

Or if I have my hair straightened, The new question I get asked is "Did you go to the Dominicans" (In case you haven't, notice the coincidence in the wave of new Dominican hair salons and the wave of new naturals). Actually, It's just a blow-dry and flat-iron. I think the appeal of the Dominican hair salon is that without having a relaxer, they can get your hair super silky straight and bouncy, or what I have recently found out is called "the white girl flow". And you wouldn't believe how many women claim their natural roots, but ONLY wear their hair styled this way. These are the main ones that are always so gung-ho to let you know they are natural. Because without them telling you, you would assume they have a relaxer. And with women that regularly do blowouts, the words "natural hair seem to somehow get inserted into every conversation because they want you to know that their silky straight hair was not a result of a relaxer. "Oh it's so hard maintaining natural hair", "My natural hair gets so messy in this weather, it just won't stay straight" Personally, the common sense thing to do if you want to wear straight hair, and have no intentions of wearing your natural texture, is to get a relaxer. That's how hair that is not meant to be straight stays straight. *shrugs*

My question is how can you be so adamant about being "natural and embracing your roots" when the only way you will wear your hair is in the "white girl flow"? And if chemical damage is your main reason for going natural then why not just press and curl? After all, the Dominican blowout process is very heat damaging so in my opinion, it's no healthier than just getting a relaxer. My only guess to this is that a black woman, who is used to being stereotyped to have kinky hair, takes pride in being able to get silky straight hair and say "I don't have a relaxer". It's not about embracing no natural roots. To me it's just another way of saying "I have good hair" Just my opinion. *shrugs*

This is not meant to diss women who straighten their hair, wear twist-outs, etc. I do it too. To me they are hairstyles. Who wants go around rocking the same hairstyle every day? No one. At the end of the day do you. It's hair, an accessory essentially. But realize that there are much deeper dynamics to this wave of natural hair. Not everyone is in it to embrace their own texture. But so many people are claiming it. Yea...I think that's my issue.

Weigh In.

And This Is When I Knew...

2011-02-24T11:40:00.000-05:00

...That it was time to get rid of my ex-boyfriend. I'm just sitting at my desk with my iPod on shuffle and "Wake Up Alone" by Amy Winehouse comes on. I haven't heard this song on so long, but for some reason. It took me back to the times in college when Brandii and I would ride around in her old car (Big Ben I think we called it) and sing our hearts out to the ENTIRE "Back to Black" CD and I remember the one time when we weren't singing and this song came on, and as I listened to the lyrics and realized that that first verse described exactly how I felt in my situation at the time.

It's okay in a day

I'm stayin' busy

Tied up enough so I don't have to wonder where is he?

Got so sick of cryin', so just lately

When I catch myself, I do a 180

I stay up clean the house

At least I'm not drinkin'

Run around just so I don't have to think about thinkin'

That silent sense of content that everyone gets

Just disappears, soon as the sun sets...

I don't know if everyone has experience this, but it's like you have to find something to do to occupy your time, just so that you're not constantly checking your phone, because you KNOW he isn't going to call you. And I damn sure wasn't about to blow his phone up. You get one call. So you go out with your friends while they run errands, go to study groups, read a book. ANYTHING to keep from looking at that phone or thinking about where he could be and why he hasn't called yet. This works all day long, but at the end of the day, when you get back to your own bed and it's dark and it's "boo time" There is nothing else you can do to distract yourself from the fact that he hasn't called you all day.

Well I was tired of that. When you start feeling like that, especially when you're young. I just feel like there is no reason to stay in the situation. It was September of my Sophomore year in college. I said was done and hung up the phone. For good. I even went home that weekend and left my cell phone in my dorm room. Sometimes you just have to completely detach yourself. To my surprise, I was over it. A 2 1/2 year High school to college relationship. Over it in less than 2 weeks. Didn't shed a tear. Honestly one of my proudest moments.

Randomlicious...No?

2011-02-24T10:20:00.001-05:00

One of these days...Maybe today...or tomorrow...I'm going to start a personal 30 day blog challenge in an effort to get a little more personal for you guys. Ready?

I am a procrastinator. *sigh*

I be that gypsy spittin life game from the right brain...What good do your words do, if they can't understand you?" I love Erykah

I don't understand why "going natural" always has to be this big public announcement. I mean ok. You get one announcement. But I'm tired of seeing tweets like this: " I need to go get some leave in conditioner #naturalhair". I don't know why...it just irks me.

I also don't understand why people that smoke weed always feel the need to tell us every time they're smoking it. Ok. We get it. You wake and bake. You're cool. Alright.

Why does society tend to agree on things that just don't make sense? Example: The term "might as well"
Since we're already out, we might as well go to the store. I'm noticing that a LOT of people would put "mine as well" there instead...like a LOT of people. How does that make sense? What does that even mean? And why does 50% (exaggeration) of America think that's ok? Someone once argued that Tyga said it in the song "Dueces" ummm yea...he also said "Valentimes"

Cee-lo Green's Pandora station is on point. I'm a fan. This is my new fave song. Wanna hear it? Here it go. I. AM. JAMMING in my office chair right now.

Personally I think it's wack to ask for public gifts such as flowers sent your job, or a love message in the local paper. I mean isn't the appeal in those type of gifts that it's a surprise? So if you ask for it, then you're not surprised, you just want to show off in public how much your man thinks about you...but it wasn't a thoughtful gift...because you asked for it...so basically you're just trying to front for the public...got it.

How come people are always publicly announcing/giving long explanations about how they don't care about something? If you don't care then why even address it? Oh because you don't want everyone to think that you care...because you care what they think...got it.

At this very moment, I would like some red seedless grapes and some raw red peppers w/ ranch dip...and some red lipstick...not to eat.

That is all.

20 Feet Tall: Get up Girl!

2011-02-03T13:04:00.002-05:00

This is for all the young women out there struggling to get over someone who they thought would love for the rest of their lives. Sometimes you have to just get up and realize that life goes on. 20 Feet Tall is an Erykah Badu song off of her latest CD New Amerykah Part II: Return of the Ankh. Her songs are always so simple but pack so much meaning into them. Often repeating the same lyrics over and over throughout the whole song. When I was a young Badu fan, I didn't always get what she was trying to say, but now that I'm older, and have lived a little. I can thankfully understand her messages. Just wanted to pass along my understanding to those who may not get it yet.

20 Feet Tall

My love, what did I do

To make you fall so far from me?

And now, I can't recall

Because of the fall, selective memory

Then you, you built a wall

A 20 foot wall, so I couldn't see

But if I get of my knees

I might recall, I'm 20 feet tall...

My love, what did I do to make you fall so far from me?

It saddens me to see girls my age constantly blaming themselves, calling themselves stupid over relationships with unworthy guys. Somehow, in relationships we give guys the power to make us feel like whatever happened in the relationship is our fault and we end up groveling on our knees and looking stupid. Begging for his forgiveness for whatever it is that you have done in this relationship. You can make it better, you won't nag anymore, you won't complain when he stays out late. Just totally throwing all of your values out the door...whatever will keep him right? So what happens when he still walks away? You make facebook statuses begging for his forgiveness, sub-tweet him calling yourself stupid in hopes that maybe he will see how sincerely sorry you are, and give you another chance. After all ya'll have been through so much and you don't want to just throw it all away and have to start over. Right?

And now, I can't recall because of the fall, selective memory

Somehow in your loneliness, you seem to think back with your rose colored glasses on and think back to the good times when he used to buy you flowers just because, when you would share intimate conversation over long walks in the park, and he would take you shopping and buy you whatever you wanted. You conveniently forgot that he stood you up for the last movie night you were supposed to have at your place. You forgot that you caught him sexting his co-worker. You forgot about that time he completely disrespected you and cursed you out in front of his friends.--selective memory. You just know you don't want to be alone and you don't want to have to start all over...so you want him back.

Then you, you built a wall, a 20 foot wall so I couldn't see

You know the story, when you continuously show someone attention, beg and plead with them, the more they ignore you. It's a game for them...or maybe not. Maybe they are just genuinely over you and just don't want to talk to you anymore. Either way when someone puts up that wall against you. When they stop answering your phone calls, block you on twitter and un-friend you on facebook, it's not just a little game of hard to get, and even if it is, Are you really about to drag yourself through the mud for someone who would go through that much effort to block you out? Someone who would build a 20 foot wall so you can't see them?

But if, I get of my knees, I might recall, Im 20 feet tall

Stop groveling, begging, pleading and publicly humiliating yourself. Pick yourself up off of your knees and stop chasing a man that doesn't see your value. You can't make him see it, especially if you're clingy and desperate. You are bigger than that failed relationship and have much more to offer to someone much more deserving. I bet you got up and walked away with dignity, he would see you for the strong person that you really are, but after that you probably wouldn't want him back anyway. *shrugs*

Relationship Titles: Has Our Generation Lost Respect?

2011-02-01T15:06:00.003-05:00

Prepare yourselves, this is going to be a long one. (It took up 3 pages in my journal)

I saw a tweet yesterday that said

"Ladies what excites you more, knowing that you're loved by someone or having the title as someones girl?"

I don't know if this person just phrased the question poorly because I'm not understanding quite what this guy means by "excite" It's not about excitement, it's about respect and boundaries... well for me at least. It seems like our generation has lost sight of the purpose of a titles.

RESPECT.
Personally I think relationship titles aren't meant to set boundaries within the couple (I'll touch on this again later) but for people outside of it. When I introduce Moe as my boyfriend, it means that I'm letting YOU know that this is a special relationship. We are more than just friends with benefits, we have made a conscious decision to set ourselves apart from the single dating pool by calling ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. Granted he already knows this, I'm letting you know because that is how I want you to treat our relationship...with the respect that I presented it to you with.

That being said, If a male introduces a female to me as his friend, I'm going to assume just that, that y'all are friends nothing more. So when my interested homegirl asks me about you and who that chick is that you're with. It's fair game for me to tell her that she can go ahead and try her luck with you, because that's just your friend right? See where I'm going? I'm not going to treat your relationship with respect because you didn't introduce it to me as something that I, or anyone should respect as a relationship.

BOUNDARIES.
Some people argue that relationship titles put strains relationships or somehow change things. I say HOW?
While I do think titles are important in relationships that you want people to take seriously, I don't feel like it's something should have to be overly discussed or pressed upon by either party.

I feel like a relationship title shouldn't come until both parties have decided on their own that the interaction they're having together trumps anyone else they are currently "talking to" or "dating", causing each person to cut off the others without having to be asked to do so, but on their own free will. Basically if you have to ask/beg someone to stop talking to other people then they probably weren't thinking about committing to you in a monogamous relationship, so don't try to strap them down with a title. It won't change anything.

The boundaries within your relationship aren't founded on your relationship title. If someone wants to be exclusive to you, they don't need to be your boyfriend to do so. If they want to date you and only you, nobody needs to tell them to do it. BUT. If you're both mutually exclusive, and have already developed a healthy relationship without a title, what is the harm in now letting others know that you have decided to become more serious by separating yourselves from the singles? (By single I mean open to dating, not just un-married for all you smart asses)

Are you scared?
Ashamed?
Not ready to make it that serious yet?

Nothing is wrong with that, but I guess my confusion is just whether you don't agree with relationship titles or just not with certain people? In which case you should stop copping out by saying that titles are irrelevant and just tell the person directly that you're not trying to take it there with them.

Enlighten Me.

The Game: Melanie + Derwin: Seriously?

2011-01-25T12:49:00.005-05:00

*Please excuse my acting as if Melanie and Derwin are a real couple*

So it's Tuesday. You know what that means Ladies! GAME TIME
After watching last weeks episode of The Game, I figured out exactly why I can't stand Melanie and Derwin's relationship...and after seeing my fellow female counterparts steadily rooting for their relationship, I just help but to become even more disgusted.

Plainly put, I think Melanie is stupid. She's a doormat! Not saying that Derwin is an angel, but how much can you fault him for his selfish and disrespectful behavior, when she hasn't even done so much as had a conversation with him about it? Notice that does however, take the time to seek the advice of two old divorced joints-- *hint hint Melanie*

Soooo you just gonna let your man--excuse me your HUSBAND curse you out, walk around in the house that you both live in without speaking to you AND THEN tell you what you can and can't discuss with him?

*insert wtf face here*

Don't get me wrong, I'm not an advocate of the whole curse my man out, neck roll, finger wagging, "put him in his place" type deal. But what you WILL do is have a conversation with me about the things that I have a problem with/feel uncomfortable with i.e. your thirsty baby's mother who you and I both know wishes that she was Mrs. Derwin Davis.

I don't expect him to agree and fall to his knees, but I do expect him to at least consider my feelings. especially if he is my HUSBAND. Once you know how I feel about something, I hold you completely accountable, so I hold NOTHING back.

If Melanie doesn't man up and part her two little stupid lips and say something, on this episode tonight...I'm gonna be too through! Right now, it's looking like a recipe for failure...OK I'm done.

But what do y'all think?

Wake Up Your Face: Make Up Tips

2011-01-12T20:54:00.008-05:00

Recently I've noticed a new trend in make-up. THE NATURAL LOOK (ironically). To achieve the this look is simple and when you're done, you have that "I don't have on any make-up I just look bomb" face. Let me show you:

This is my clean face:

This is my "Make-up? girl this is just lipgloss" face

The Run Down:

1. Start with a clean face, then apply moisturizer and primer. I use Korres face primer, you can find that at Sephora.

2. Apply a sheer powder using a fluffy powder brush. I use MAC mineralize skinfinish natural powder in medium dark.

3. Next, I applied a natural blush to the apple of my cheeks and blended upwards, using a contoured blush brush. I used MAC Warm Soul-- a very light application. Just enough to look like I have naturally rosy cheeks.

4. I then applied a highlighter powder to the tops of my cheeks in a "C" motion. I used MAC Rose' Ole'

5. On my eyes, I started with a thin layer of concealer on the entire lid. I used MAC NW40

6. Then I brushed my lids with the same highlighter powder I used on my cheeks

7. In my crease, I applied a light brown shadow. MAC saddle

8. Using an angled brush, I applied MAC espresso, a dark brown shadow to my eyebrows in a sweeping motion, just to define them.

9. Apply a dark brown eyeliner pencil, and mascara

10. Apply lipgloss of your choice. I used MAC VivaGlam II

VOILA!

You Won't Get Me!

2010-12-10T12:40:00.007-05:00

I love Twitter. Twitter inspires me. lol

There was a trending topic this week called: #whyrelationshipsdontlast

Popular responses included:

- "#Whyrelationshipsdontlast Social networking" -_- I don't even feel like explaining why this theory is flawed, just know that if you have ever used the phrase: "Facebook and Twitter kill relationships." Just know that I am judging you... and imagine my face like this *insert wtf face here*

-"#Whyrelationshipsdontlast Because you went looking thru my phone and found something you had no business seeing."

*Screeching halt* What?!

So what's implied here, is that when someone goes through your phone and finds some dirt, then they are more wrong than you for engaging in the said "dirt"? Sooooo let me get THIS straight. Whether or not you get caught, you were still doing something you had no business...I'm wrong for finding it?

#fckouttahere You wont get me with that weak mess.

Don't get me wrong. No one should have to undergo constant invasion of privacy for no reason. That's not healthy. BUT if you're always snooping on around on your phone, leaving the room to take calls, up in the bed texting in the dark at 2am, I'm going to want to know who you're talking to because THAT, my friend is suspicious activity,at which point:

1. I'm going to address the situation. Tell you how I feel about your "behavior" and try to get an understanding for it. It you don't do a good job of making me feel comfortable/your behavior doesn't change...

2. I'M GOING THROUGH YOUR DAMN PHONE! Obviously if you feel, the need to take your phone in the shower with you, then you are hiding something, and since you wouldn't tell me what was going on when I ASKED you, I'm going to take matters into my own hands, because I deserve to know.

So like I said. IF you have incriminating evidence in your phone, that is YOUR fault for it being there in the first place. I would even argue that you're dumb for not deleting it if you didn't want to get get caught. OR you could just be honest and never have anything in your phone that would upset your bf/gf in the first place...just a thought. Whether or not he/she actually looks in your phone, it's.still.there. #guilty

Stop letting people convince you that you are insecure, as excuse for their own shortcomings. You won't get me. *hairflip*

I rest my case.

Not. A. Lady.

2010-08-18T16:19:00.007-04:00

Is this really what is hot right now? Man stealing? Home wrecking? Is this what we are teaching our young women? First Alicia Keys and now Fantasia. I just read (don't know how true) that Fantasia is supposed to be getting married to her forbidden lover Antuan Cook pending his divorce from his wife Paula O_o

My heart goes out to this type of woman. It really does. People talk about sisterhood and empowerment amongst black women. This is surely not the way. Especially you miss philanthropist/save-the-children/I am superwoman. *side-eye*.I read in someone else's blog today something that really struck a chord with me:
"Sadly, most young women lack the three things that are imperative in a Lady's character: Dignity, Wisdom, Spirituality.

Dignity- Bearing conduct or speech indicative of self-respect or the appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation; elevation of character.

Wisdom- Knowledge of what is true or right coupled with judgement as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Spirituality- Predominantly spiritual character as shown in thought, life, etc. "

Women like Alicia, Fantansia, Gabrielle Union and others are clearly lacking in these attributes. Let me break it down:

Dignity- Bearing conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or the appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation; elevation of character.

Not to totally take the blame off of the men, but as a woman...how do you find it in yourself as a self-respecting being to be "crept around" with? Hidden. A secret. How can you possibly respect yourself when you are spending the weekend laying up with someones husband, only for him to be back home to by the time Sunday dinner hits the table? How can you call yourself dignified when you can't even appreciate the formality of a marriage or the gravity of a situation that may be a little bit rocky at the time...but has nothing to do with you? That's between a man and his wife, not a third party who thinks she can give him what he needs in his time of weakness and lust.
Wisdom- Knowledge of what is true or right coupled with judgement as to action; sagacity, discernment or insight.

So someone. Anyone. Please tell me where wisdom lies in waiting in the wings for someone to divorce their wife...so they can marry you O_o...I'll wait...Exactly. Nothing in your wide frame of knowledge suggested that he may do the same thing to you? Do you feel secure in knowing that whenever this man has a problem in his current situation that there is absolutely nothing is his moral conscience that stops him from going and finding someone else? Then it will be you who he's waiting to divorce. Discernment? Insight? Anyone?
Spirituality- Predominantly spiritual character as shown in thought, life, etc.

I know spirituality does not necessarily equate to religion. And I know everyone has their own beliefs. But personally I don't believe that any connection with your higher being would lead you believe that it is right to tamper with a union brought together by the most high...how does that work? I'm in no position to judge at all...but that's just my humble opinion.
Aside from all that, where is your compassion? Your empathy for another woman, her marriage, and her family? These men have FAMILIES. What type of character are you displaying? Vindictive. Conniving. Selfish. Weak-minded. DESPERATE.

Superwoman Alicia? Really?
I beg to differ.

Up Out My Face Boy!

2010-08-18T09:08:00.007-04:00

Call me crazy. But am I the only one who gets annoyed when people flirt with me? I mean yea every once in a while its flattering to get a compliment from a respectful guy,one that understands no means no. maybe even an attempt at getting your number. But Sir...Once I tell you that I have a man, get the HELL out of my face. No I don't want to sit here at the bar and have a flirty conversation with you. No, I don't want to discuss a friendship with you that would be solely based on your superficial attraction to me. You sitting there disrespecting my man and my relationship is not going to get you any type of play. Like seriously.

Just this past weekend, I'm at a wedding reception cookout O_o (that's another story). ANYWAY. my friend's cousin is making little passes at me, which I don't entertain. Then in conversation it comes up that I have a boyfriend. His comeback?
"Oh so...where is your man at right now?"

Me: "At a cookout with his friends"
Him: "You sure about that?"

*Insert wtf face here* So what are you trying to imply here Sir? What am I supposed to re-think what my man is doing and who he's with? Then give you my number because I'm suddenly feeling a little insecure? Negative.

Idk...maybe I'm just getting a little too old for this...or maybe my man just does a good job of making me feel good on the daily. I just don't like that type of attention anymore...like...the kind when you walk down the street and some guy mumbles "damn." I used to smile to myself. Now...I just roll my eyes in disgust. I can not STAND that. Telling me I'm pretty is one thing...commenting on my butt as I walk by is totally different. Thanks, but no thanks. So Sir...all that mess that you are yelling at me while I'm walking down 14th st. on my lunch break? Not feelin' it...Actually it's annoying...and disrespectful...and offensive. Thanks. *hairflip*

Is it just me?

I don't want a "HUSH" ring

2010-08-17T10:22:00.006-04:00

Soooo I'm flipping through channels and I finally come across an episode of the new season of teen mom (late, i know) and what do I see? I see Amber yelling and screaming at Gary. Why you ask? Because he didn't propose to her on Valentine's Day. His reasoning? Simple. He doesn't want to marry her. *shrugs* Amber honey, if you need any more of a reason than that to move on, I don't know what to tell you.

But that's not even what KILLS me...what really gets me is the fact that she didn't just maturely accept that and act accordingly...noooo this teen mom yelled, screamed, cried and threw an all temper tantrum like a 2 year old, until Gary finally gave in and agreed to marry her. You think it was cuz he loved her? *side-eye* I'm sure it was because he wanted her to shut the HELL up...a hush ring...a "if this will make you shut-up" ring.

It's not just her though. There are a lot of women out here rockin hush rings. Why though? Why would you want to have to nag, beg, and cry for someone to commit to you? Or say they are going to commit to you. Because chances are, if you have to ask someone to commit to you, then they weren't ready or planning on doing it by themselves.
So what is it? Is it a self-esteem issue? Do you think that you can't find anyone else? Security? Are you just so comfortable and don't want to have to go through the trouble of being back on the dating scene? Or do you really genuinely think that once you get someone to marry you, then they will magically "act right"? These are really questions that I just want to pull women aside and ask them sometimes...but of course that's rude. (lol)
Enlighten me.

The UGH! Chronicles

2010-08-16T11:57:00.005-04:00

This Natural Hair "Movement"

Before you react, yes. I am natural and have been for a while now. I started my transition in January of 2007. That being said, my disdain is not towards natural hair itself, but with the sudden trend that it has become within the last year or so is well...annoying.

It is such a beautiful thing to see so many women owning the texture of their hair. Its also great for versatility. I love being able to go from a big afro, to bone straight with the wave of a blow-dryer. But for some women, I think the fascination with going natural is just being able to say it...like...they just want to keep saying they're natural...I guess it makes them feel like a part of the in-crowd or something...idk. The most ANNOYING phrase of 2010 has GOT to be:

"OMG my hair is so poofy. Ugh the troubles of having natural hair" or something to that effect

Sooooo. If you are going to complain about your hair not being able to stay straight while it's natural, then here's a solution: get a relaxer. Your hair's natural texture is not straight...therefore what is the point of constantly boasting your natural status when you don't even wear your hair natural and you're going to complain when your hair is trying to revert back to it's natural state? Baffling...and annoying. It almost seems as if the whining about "poofyness" is a cover-up for just saying:

" Hey look! I have good hair! I don't need a perm to get my hair straight"

Because the "natural" texture of your hair is clearly not the look that you were going for. *shrugs*

But THE most annoying thing about being natural during its current wave of popularity are the questions. I don't mind questions about what type of products I use, etc. but THESE are the questions that SLAY me!

1. What made you start your natural hair journey?

-_- Ma'am...it's not even that deep. I was a broke college student who couldn't afford to keep a relaxer...so I stopped getting them. That's it. No spiritual journey. No re-connection to my African-American roots. Just broke. *shrugs* disappointed?

2. How did you get your hair like that?
?
I'm never sure what type of response people are looking for when they ask me that. Are you expecting me to tell you that I have a texturizer? S-curl? Curl activator? I wash my hair, condition it, rinse, apply cream moisturizer, and let it air dry...What do you want from me?

3. Ooooh your hair looks so pretty!...Did you go to the Dominicans???

Because they are the only ones that know how to do natural hair right? *eyeroll* No. I did not sit in a chair and get heat blasted in a cloud of smoke. All it takes is a regular wash, blow-dry and flat iron. By regular, I mean the stylist doesn't spend an extended amount of time applying extreme heat to a one inch section of my hair (that can't be healthy) As a matter of fact, she never even puts a comb to my head (oooh chil' if you have ever seen my hair wet...) All that to say, the girl just has skills. *shrugs*
It's up for discussion :-)

Keepin it RUDE :-)

2010-08-13T10:53:00.006-04:00

First things first. YES, I have not updated my blog since January 2009. It is August 2010. And there you have it...anyway, with that being said, I've had A LOT of time to observe people. ESPECIALLY with the new popularity of Twitter (@Chaunece by the way) which was non-existent the last time I wrote.

Twitter...Ohhhhh Twitter. It only proves me right in how I really feel about people...Oh you didn't know? Twitter is the land of fantasy where everyone is somebody, and that somebody is whoever they want to be...but no seriously.

HERE:

1. The Pseudo-Philosophical DOUCHEBAG...and his flock

Well look at you...you found a little quote on google and tweeted it. How profound...Oh look! Now everyone is RT you and praising you for all the "knowledge ur dropping" and all the "real shit ur tweeting" *eyeroll please* because your sooooo intellectual right? Because what you just tweeted wasn't common knowledge that someone could find out by just...hmmmm...idk...living life?

But you know what? It's not all ur fault. No. I think more than you, it's the people that RT you and sice (dmv slang) your ENTIRE life that blow me more...like hop off will you? If you spent enough time living life and learning from your own experiences instead of sucking this person off, you may have found that out for yourself. That may go over some of y'alls heads because...well...it probably applies to you...#next

2. The Independent Woman that Needs a Sponsor

Day 1: " #teamsingle, I don't need a man to define me, I'm perfectly content with being by myself"

Day 2: "I'm the only single one of all my friends :-( #lonelytweet, wish my prince charming would come"

Day 3: "Laying in the bed with HIM"

Day 4: "Niggas ain't shit"

Day 5: "I miss him, but I'm not giving up on this love"

Day 6: "#teamsingle"

Self explanatory. Please go read a book or do SOMETHING with your life...and in the meantime go reflect on all your past relationships and why they didn't work out...it may change your life.
3. The SKUTTERBUCKETWHOREBAG...

Day 1: "Practicing my clapping in the mirror...and not my hands"

Day2: "Why watch porn when you could come make a flick with me? ;-)"

Day 3: "How come guys don't take girls out on dates anymore...why is everything about sex?"

I don't get it? Are you delusional? Did you somehow miss the fact that all you do on twitter is advertise your "superb sexual abilities"? What you market is what they're gonna buy, and in case you haven't noticed. Yes, guys still take girls out on dates...just not you. Whore. :-)
Annddd FINALLY (my favorite)

4. The Subliminal Bragger

" Ugh! Do we have to stay in the Ritz-Carlton AGAIN!? why can't we just stay at Motel6 like everyone else? And if I have Ruth Chris for dinner one more time, I'm kirkin"

Great, so you just wanted us to know that you're staying in the Ritz-Carlton, and ur eating Ruth's Chris a lot...true. I guess the type of response you're trying to evoke is:
"oooh girl ya'll must have bread staying up in the Ritz-Carlton and eating Ruth's Chris everyday"

...That may have just siced your whollle entire life...but we all know, if you REALLY had it like that you wouldn't make it a point to find a way to tweet everything expensive thing that you are ever involved with. Peasant.

Typically, I always have those that like to call me rude for my opinions...welp...in true Chaunece fashion, I have already owned it. :-)
Yours in rudeness,

Chaunece

WHAT!?

2009-01-27T08:03:00.005-05:00

So Im doing my usual site cruising before class. I usually don't do this on school days but...Idk, the spirit moved me. lol So check I check out me.diatakeout.com, they haven't updated yet. So then I go over to th.eybf.com...Im scrolling...scrolling...then see that former Top Model Tocarra has released a workout DVD. COOL! So I'm reading the story and it starts out with

“Toccara’s Fabulous Workout” is a workout for Real Size Women."
and this is where I come to a screeching halt....WTF!? *Insert wtf face here* What is a real sized woman? I take it that they are referring to plus sized women. Why do people have to resort to putting other people down to make themselves feel better... Plus sized women spend so much time ridiculing women who are smaller than them...If they are so secure with their weight like they say they are, the why they always worried about us? So WTF is a real size? (Yes I am pissed.) I'm guessing any size in the double digits...which I see absolutely nothing wrong with. Tocarra looks great.
I meannn I am a size 2...I know plenty other people who are a size 2 as well...I know plenty of women with children that are about a size 4... My mom has four kids and she is a size 6/8. So why is that not a REAL size? Its real to a lot of people. I am so pissed I can't even think right now.
It's like...no I don't starve myself, and maybe I want to work out sometimes too! when I actually saw the article, I thought "Cool! I may go buy this" But now that I know that this DVD is only for "real" sized women, I guess us fantasy sized girls better go find some other way to workout if we want to...because of course exercises that you do depend on whether you wear double digit sizes or not...(sarcasm)...

I am too through

Cajun Sparkle

2008-08-20T11:14:00.006-04:00

Ok so this happened a long time ago...like in the middle of last semester.

We're in the car, ridin down Joppa Road on the way to Popeyes to get some chicken...so we pull up at the window, I order my food, he orders his, they tell us the total...you know, the usual.

We finally get up to the window and this fool asks the cashier for some Cajun sparkle...m.f'in Cajun sparkle!!! *Insert wtf face here* I'm just lookin at him like WTF is that??? Cajun Sparkle??? That sounds like a gay super-hero from down south!!!

Anyway, I'm waitin for the cashier to give him the dumb look and be like "What are you talking about?" But no! The cashier reaches down and gets him some Cajun sparkle! So I come to the conclusion that I'm the only one in this situation who has never heard of the crap! It turns out that Cajun sparkle is some seasoning packet from Popeyes. So I ask the fool:

"What are you supposed to do with that?"

To which he replies:

"You shake it on your chicken."

So now, I can't wait to get home so I can snatch one his packets of Cajun sparkle. And the whole way home I'm listening to him reassure me "Not to fake on the Cajun sparkle"...whatever...cajun sparkle my ass...At this point I'm still mad that he even uttered the words Cajun sparkle out of his mouth.

So now we're back at my house. We bypass the living room and go upstairs to my bedroom. You know when you have your own place you don't have to worry about your mom telling you not to eat in your room. lol...but anyway...needless to say, I got me a packet of Cajun sparkle and sprinkled in on my chicken thigh...Y'all...it was so bomb!

Just when you thought Popeyes chicken couldn't get anymore flavorful...now they have a seasoning packet too! Heaven!!! So yea...now every time I go to Popyes I don't leave without my Cajun sparkle.

Go get you some

Even They Have Standards

2008-08-14T11:43:00.006-04:00

A lot of women struggle with dating and relationships. Mainly because women set their standards so high these days...which is not a problem. But bottom line:You need to be able to reciprocate what you are asking for.

I asked a couple guys to give their standards for women that would pursue a relationship with. Basically. The things that we want in men, are the same things they want in a woman. So if you cant match it then don't ask for it.

1. "I'm going to treat you based on how you carry yourself"
Translation: If you want a respectable man...chances are, he wants respectable woman. If you want Mr. Classy, then you need not be at the club with your booty shorts and thigh high boots on...Mr. Classy is not going to pay you any attention honey. But Mr. Goldtooth over there...that's looking right up your alley. So don't be mad when he comes over to get your number...he's just treating you like what you look like.

2. No need to "Do it up" Everyday.
Translation: The MAC, Gucci Bag, and stilettos do not impress him. Don't you want to know that your guy can look just as good in a white tee and sweats as he does in his three piece suit? So do they. So clean off the foundation, remove the eyelashes, and throw on a hanes fitted...just chill...That's how he will know if you are really bad or not...After all, you are NOT a bad bitch if you MUST wear a full face of makeup everyday. Let's give the men the fair advantage of discovering that.

3. "Just cuz you got a phat ass does NOT mean I'm going to wife you"

Translation: Ok yea so your body is tight...AND? I know many ladies out here want a man with some intellectual substance, not just a looker. So don't think that just because your body is tight and you have a pretty face that you can get any man you want. That might get you in the door. But if your dumb as a doornail, or have a funky personality, guaranteed you will not be there long...I'm just sayin.

4. "Have realistic goals"

Translation: We want the educated man, the man who is going somewhere and doing something with himself right? So what are YOU doing? Every girl wants to be a model these days...come on now, that's not going to happen for every Jane, Sally and Susie that stands in front a white sheet and poses for the camera. Don't you think men want a secure intelligent female who knows where she is going in life? Not some day-dreamer who can't get her head out of the clouds...You don't want it. Neither do they. Do YOU have job? Do YOU have a car? Do YOU have a place?...check yourself first.

I'm Just sayin...Did I miss anything?

Love Her!!!!

2008-08-13T18:51:00.006-04:00

http://semi-literate.blogspot.com

This girl is beyond hilarious. She can make a normal days event sound like...the adventures of Napolean and Pedro or something...idk...but it's really funny. This is like the first blog that I ever read. I mean, her blog inspired my blog...but no seriously... I wait for her to post a new one every single day...hot stuff. Check her out.

THANKS!

Let This Woman Do Her Job. Geez!:

2008-08-06T16:13:00.009-04:00

Does her skin color look significantly different in any of of these pics?

On my usual daily blog browsing. I have come across this particular photo paired up with a lot of controversy surrounding it. Apparently women in the black community think that Beyonce is trying to look white and disowning her race. blah blah blah *eyeroll*They even go as far as to say that her skin is photo shopped to be lighter in this ad...well check the pics...she is the same color in all of them even the paparazzi one.

1. Beyonce is a spokes model for the company. As a spokes model, that is being payed, since when do you get to walk up in the photo shoot and dictate to the creative director how you want to be portrayed in a picture? You don't right? That means however she is portrayed, whatever she wears, however her makeup is done, Is someone else's doing.

2. Isn't Beyonce light skinned? People keep making comments that her skin was lightened in the picture...like she is dark skinned or something.Please compare this picture with other pics of her...HELLOOOO she is light skinned!!! The only reason why she may look a little lighter in this pic is because she has on all neutral toned make-up, meaning no bronzer or blush or her cheeks, or anything else to aid in warming up her skin- tone. And her hair/weave/wig whatever is all blonde with no hints of brown. There were also comments about her hair benign lightened...well duh it's a hair color ad...IDK, maybe that was the hair color they were advertising...just a thought since, you know it's a hair color ad and all. (sarcasm) But doesn't she always rock some type of blonde hued hair anyway? She's a light-skinned black woman...get over it.

3. This is a J-O-B for her y'all. Everyone does things that they don't want to do at work. If someone asked you to put on a blonde wig for $1 mil, raise your hand if you wouldn't do it...thought so.

People always speak about black women coming in all different shades. But i guess that only applies when there is a dark-skinned woman missing from the color-spectrum right? Doesn't her color represent a shade of black women? Beyonce is light skinned and she is a black woman and we should be proud that she is being represented by Loreal because there are plenty of black women in this world that look just like that. But I guess if ur not at least as brown as a paper bag then you must be trying to look like a white woman right?

So everyone please just SHUT-UP!...thanks ;-)

It's up for Discussion

Chaunece The Brain

2008-08-04T12:55:00.004-04:00

Quite the Opposite of Buffy the Body Right?

"Every black woman isn't built like Buffy"
- www. poshlifeposhstyle.com

That is something that I have struggled to accept for a long time.

I'm a small-framed girl...I got a little hourglass, ( 5'3, 34-26-36, 113lbs to be exact. lol) but still small nonetheless. It took me a long time to realize that my body was beautiful.

When I was in elementary school, I was teased a lot about my weight (Sock you were a culprit. lol) I acquired a slew of nicknames that I was not proud of, and deep down inside, they really hurt my feelings. I was being teased about something that I had absolutely no control over. I ate just like everyone else...I probably ate more that most people in my many attempts to gain weight..."sticks", "bones", "wiry", "twiggy" and lets not forget socks famous "noasitol" (no ass at all) But it's all laughs now. I remember in daycare, I got in trouble for calling this girl fat...I mean...clearly she was...But who ever gets in trouble for calling someone boney? What's up with the double standard.

When I got to middle school it was "Oh she cute, but she ain't got no body" *eyeroll*

People look at me like "oh your skinny" Like that solves every problem in the world...like life is sooooo great for me because I only weigh 113 lbs. *eyeroll* But in the black community where curves are praised, and you have comedians like Mo'Nique capitalizing off of the idea that "Skinny Bitches are Evil" ( Jeez Mo' What did I ever do to you?) It is hard to believe that being skinny can possibly be any good. I bet if I were to headline a show called " Feed the Fat Bitches" There would be a problem...but anyway...

Then you have the "Big Booty Judy's" a.k.a. Kim K, Buffy, Lola Love, etc. When these women are praised everyday, it only makes me feel like I just don't measure up...like women with my body type aren't desirable to men.

Luckily I have a very sweet boyfriend and despite him being a self proclaimed "ass man" He lets me know everyday without fail, that my body is beautiful and I don't have to worry about him looking when little miss big booty Judy walks by. But not only that, He compliments me daily on my intelligence, sense of humor, cooking, and the list could go on...He reminds me that not only is my body beautiful, but that there is much more that I have more to offer than a big booty and a smile could ever offer him...hmmm go figure.

It's up for discussion

Relationship 101: Chiiiiiiiill

2008-07-14T14:23:00.006-04:00

Shout out to Sock-a-locka for that "chill" advice. LOL. But seriously. A lot of people ask me for relationship advice, not that I know it all, but I have been through a lot and learned from ALL of my mistakes, There are some mistakes that I have never made however...Some people just need to take that advice and chiiiill. I can't even joke that much about this because it's kinda... NOT FUNNY. gonna be another long one guys, bare with me. There is some truth to this.
I look at plenty of facebook statuses that change bi-weekly from just meeting someone, to being in a relationship with someone, to being in love with someone...to being soooooo heartbroken. *eyeroll* Sorry folks...not buying it. And yes this is ALL inspired by the facebook statuses that I have read.
I understand though. As a female you want to be loved. You want that perfect relationship. But that is definitely NOT going to happen with every guy you meet and like. Question: Ladies, how come when you meet someone, you can't just CHILL and get to know them? Spend a couple of months just casually dating? Really get to know someone before you enter into a relationship? A lot of times that's the problem. You go out with a guy once or twice, think you know them, start calling him your boyfriend and then out of nowhere, your relationship starts going wrong...within a matter of one month. HELLO!!! you only knew him for two weeks!!!!! You can't fall in and out of love with a different guy every two months...you just can't...not buying it.

I have also noticed that some girls just can't be single. THAT IS A WEAKNESS. You shouldn't need to have a man in your life to define, satisfy,or fulfill you . Go out, mingle, meet some new people. It's perfectly fine to be single. Love is not something you can plan. It usually just happens without you even realizing what is going on. You can't sit around and think " I hope we fall in love." You shouldn't have to. If you do, great. If you don't that's fine too.
Then you have the "2 month anniversary" crew. *eyeroll* If you have been with someone for two months, that's cool. Cherish that time, but you still have a lot of growing to do. And you still have a lot of time before you get to an actual anniversary. An anniversary is supposed to be special because it marks 1 YEAR...(yes one whole year) of your relationship. Sorry... it's not up for discussion. Check your etymologies people. It comes from a Latin root word "annus" which means year...therefore you can't have a two month anniversary...it's impossible, like having a 5 year decade...you just can't. But more importantly. I feel like the whole "month anniversary" deal rushes things. Almost trying to make the relationship more then what it really is. tagging an anniversary does not add depth or meaning to your relationship...you still have only been together for two months...Chiiiiiiill. Most of those relationships don't even make it to a real anniversary...sad to say.

Even if you have been in a relationship for 1+ years...That doesn't add depth or meaning to your relationship either. If your 3 year relationship is not good, get out of it. The amount of time you spend in a bad relationship is not going to magically turn into a fairytale...If it was bad this year, it will be bad next year too. HELLO.

Which brings me to the every two week relationship change. No relationship is perfect, everyone has problems. But plain and simple,no matter how many times you break up and go-back with someone, has anything ever changed? NO. Stop trying to force it. Any relationship whether it be a friendship or a significant other, should not require that much effort. It shouldn't be hard work to stay with someone. You and your partner should be able to talk about any and everything and have a situation resolved like adults.

That's the beauty of Love:
you can't force it
you can't plan it
you can't fake it
you can't rush it
CHIIIIIIIILLLL

The UGH! Chronicles II

2008-07-11T13:52:00.003-04:00

I dont want ya'll to think that Im just some disgruntled chick with no life. I actually have a life and a job. As a matter of fact that's where I post from everyday because I get SO DEATHLY BORED!!! (Did I tell ya'll that this 9-5 business is not quite for me?)...I wish school would start back up...I digress. You know what time it is

Overuse of the Word HATER
Ok so...I can't quite recall when this word became an epidemic, but I have long ago realized that the word is possibly being overused--well not possibly, it definitely is. Let me explain to ya'll when the word hater is applicable:

An attractive and very well dressed female walks past a group of females. Girl is minding her own business. Group of girls make the following comments:

" Omg her shoes and her bag don't even match. And why do she walk like that?"

The attractive female replies:

"Ya'll are some haters, get a life"

This ladies and gentlemen, is what you call hating. They were LOOKING for something to say bad about her, simply because she looked better than them and dressed better than them...they are jealous...essentially, jealousy and hating are synonymous. NOW.

Although this does happen, it's usually not the case. Most likely the word hater is thrown around in a scenario like this:

A scantily clad female walks past a group of tastefully dressed females. Girl is walking very twatty (see definitions) Group of girls make the following comments.

"Omg why would you be in public dressed like that...not cute. And why does she walk like that?

To which the scantily clad female responds

"Whatever, ya'll are some haters"

Perhaps they are not hating...Maybe you look like a whore!!!! Hating IMO implies that you have something that I want or that I am jealous of you...People...please get over yourselves...not that many people in the world are jealous of you. Maybe you just looked that much of a mess that it had to be commented on. Maybe someone just purely doesn't like you. I mean I'm sure that would make you feel good to have as many haters as you think.

Due to the common misconception, I feel the need to profess the following:

To girl on the subway with the booty length blonde weave: Im not hating. My hair is real, why would I hate on ur nappy weave? How about it was ugly.

To the girl with the fake Gucci bag in H&M: Im not hating...ur bag is fake...HELLO.

To the "fly guy" with the Kanye "stronger" sunglasses: Im not hating, ur not Kanye...How about you just look stupid.

To the girl at the Reagan Building on lunch break...wit the cute shoes: Yea I was hating...shoes was real cute.

TTFN

Things that DO NOT Impress me

2008-07-10T14:15:00.005-04:00

1. Self Proclaimed "Fly Guys"
First of all, the use of the word fly is wack in itself. It is 2008. Reverting back to the 1980's does not make you unique...Why? Because in case you haven't noticed that is the trend right now. Everyone is off their "fly guy/girl". Following a trend is not being unique. HELLO. it's not even unique to say you are unique anymore...that word is so played out.
2. "Ballers"
Just because you own every pair of Rock and Republics that have come out, does not convey to me that you have money. You know what it says to me? It says:

" Hello, I spend my whole paycheck on my wardrobe becauseI dont have any bills to pay, meaning I don't OWN anything."

Now I'm not knockin' guys that dress nice. I'm knockin the ones who try to come off like they have so much money...The ones who make it a point to tell you how expensive everything is that they have on...I mean does that really get girls interested in you? I have been rapped up many-a-time about how much someone makes, how much their outfit costs, where they can take me, blah, blah , blah. You know what I tell them? You can't do nothin for me that my daddy can't do.
3. Fancy cars
For one, I'm not the type of girl that is impressed by anything that has to do with money. I am very well taken care of. That being said, I really don't care what kind of car you drive. If you drive a busted car, I would still talk to you. I'm more interested in the company you can keep me. Now all you guys who think that I really care when you pull up in your Range Rover. I don't care. Just let me ask you this: Where do you park that Range Rover at?... here's a hint:
If you park that Range Rover in front of anything less than a property with a mortgage coming in your name (not rent, mortgage) then that tells me what? You need to get your priorities straight.

All this to send a basic message. There is much more to a person that meets the eye. What you think you are seeing on the outside has nothing to do with the important things that one should be looking for in a mate like Personality, life goals, motivation, conversational skills, relationship with family. If all someone can do to impress you is wave money in your face, then they must not have anything better to offer.
Trust...I'm not done

The UGH! Chronicles

2008-07-09T14:50:00.004-04:00

I don't know. Maybe I'm easily disturbed but certain things just really bother me...like really irk my nerves. This post may turn into a series because I can go on incessantly about things that I can't stand. I'll start y'all off slow

Nappy Weaves!!!

ok so my hair may look a little rough some days...ok so shoot me. It's attached to my scalp. The most I can do is throw a little water on the brush and hope for the best. But my question to all you avid weave-rockers out there:

What's your excuse? Your hair is removable!! Why walk around with matted synthetic fibers on your head? Ladies please...comb it, or take it out. *Look of Disgust*

Ta Ta For Now

Natural Disaster

2008-07-08T16:15:00.004-04:00

"The Fro"
Ok. Sooooo Recently I have decided to transition my hair from relaxed to natural...no cut, just growin it out...I have been doing pretty good with that thanks to Carol's Daughter and my trusty flat iron. It's been about a year and I still haven't figured out exactly what I want to do with my hair...So Last night I call myself "combing my hair out"...DISASTER.

I ended up with a HUGE 'fro. Not a problem for me, I didn't quite know how my fellow forest service co-workers would feel about that though. You can't just come to work with a huge fro! Not Professional. Anyway, I thought maybe my dear sister would braid my hair for me so it wouldn't be tangled again when I woke up Guess what she said...no. I mean Geez...all I wanted was like four braids...that would not have taken that long.

Long story short: I woke up this morning with tangly hair that I had to wrestle into a ponytail. Seriously. When I was done with that ponytail I was breathing heavily. I mean really...who feels like hair-wrestling at 5:30 a.m.? The front laid down pretty nicely...but the actual ponytail??? OMG!!! It was the worst...I actually wanted to cry.

Tips of the Trade:
1. Invest in a good wide tooth comb...If you try to use anything else it will break off in your hair...trust me on that.
2. Work with hair when it is damp. If not, it can be brittle and break off very easily.
3. Moisturize! I use good ole Pink Lotion. When my hair is straightened I use a dime sized amount of Lisa's Hair Elixir by Carol's Daughter. It's a really light oil and it smells like peppermint.
4. Don't be afraid to try new hairstyles. Some styles are made for bushy hair
5.Consider other options for natural hair such as dreads or sisterlocs
6. Embrace your natural texture, Don't let your family members or other people try to dissuade you from becoming one with your natural tresses. Everyone is not going to be supportive of your decision. But remember that it is YOUR decision.
Peace and Hair Grease...well not grease...oil.

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The UGH! Chronicles

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WHAT!?

Cajun Sparkle

Even They Have Standards

Love Her!!!!

Let This Woman Do Her Job. Geez!:

Chaunece The Brain

Relationship 101: Chiiiiiiiill

The UGH! Chronicles II

Things that DO NOT Impress me

The UGH! Chronicles

Natural Disaster

The McLobster: McD's Take on a New England Classic sigh