The most cited reason I saw from the pro pre-nups was that they feel a need to protect themselves and their assets in the event that anything was to go down. I mean yea...I feel that hot shit. I understand the logic behind it, and if you are thinking about it that way then it makes sense. But let's back it all the way up.
When you are choosing a mate for marriage aren't you choosing someone to be your partner for life? Someone whom you trust wholeheartedly? Someone that you know well enough and understand their character? Someone with whom you've experienced hardships and can actually formulate an idea of how they react to hard situations in your relationship? Someone that you know, knows how to work through problems effectively when the going gets tough? Oh that's not what y'all look at in your relationships? Oh my bad. Y'all are too busy worrying about trying to sex him right and make sure you have his dinner ready every night and trying to do things that you think are "wifely" that y'all are not even focusing on the real tools of marriage and when you do that, you may just be setting yourself up for a potential divorce. *shrugs* Cuz baby you knowing how to slob on his knob, pearl his j, keep his liquor poured and keep a hot plate on the stove are definitely not the things that will save your marriage should anything ever go awry...But anyway, that's a whole 'nother story.
See, I don't think the problem is that people need to protect themselves, I think the bigger issue at hand is that people are not making wise decisions about the people that they choose to enter into marriage with. Please explain to me why it makes sense to marry someone who you feel the need to protect yourself from? I'll wait...
Asking me for a pre-nup ESPECIALLY when you're not super wealthy would not only be hugely offensive to me and my character, but it would cause me to re-consider the marriage and conclude the following:
- You don't fully trust me or this relationship and in the back of your mind you are thinking that we could possibly fall apart one day...so you want to "prepare yourself"
- You don't trust my character enough to know that if we WERE to get a divorce that I'm not a conniving biotch who will try to take things that aren't rightfully mine.
- You don't trust a union that God brought together AND you don't trust him to see us through any issues that we may have in the marriage.
- Perhaps this isn't a union that God brought together and you needing protection and reassurance from anyone other than God is an indicator. In which case I would need to reconsider if I'm even gonna marry you. *shrugs*
I just think its a bad start to a lifetime partnership to prelude it with trying to cover your own ass. That's selfish. Selfish doesn't work in marriage.
Perhaps if people would stop meeting people on e-harmony and black people meet and getting married after 6 months of being smitten with each other during the honeymoon stage of their relationships, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high
Perhaps if pressed females would stopped presenting dudes with ultimatums and begging him to put a ring on it after clinging to a sinking relationship for the past 8 years because they are afraid to be alone for a couple months to get themselves together, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
Perhaps if dudes stopped marrying girls just to have some type of "ownership" of them because they don't want to see them with anyone else, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high
Perhaps if people stopped getting married just because they like the idea of marriage and they want to have a big party and shack up without being judged, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
Perhaps if people went into marriages thinking about how they can always survive as opposed to how easy it is to get out of it, then the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
AND THEN...you wouldn't have to worry about trying to protect yourself.
I don't know about y'all, but I will not not enter in holy matrimony with someone that I need to lie about my vows with. Everything that I stand at the alter and say to my husband will be just that.Vows. Promises. Which will most certainly include "Till death do us part, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer." What the Lord has brought together, let NO man put asunder. And THAT'S what I'm planning for. *hairflip*
Summary: Choose your marriage partners wisely and you wouldn't need to protect yourself. Point blank. Period.
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3 comments:
I TOTALLY AND THOROUGHLY agree with this ENTIRE POST! *so whats new* lol! I personally have plans to only get married 1 time. I can pretty much guarantee that I will not need to "protect" myself from the "impending demise" of the marriage that I enter into. I believe that marriage is done before God to show him that two people are being joined (literally and figuratively) together before his eyes and therefore it is not something that should be entered into lightly or warily. I believe that is a defeatist attitude to go into a marriage with the idea that you NEED to protect yourself from your soon-to-be spouse because you WILL be getting divorced. This is why I believe that we as young women who are getting older need to sit under the wisdom and truth telling of our mothers, and grandmothers and women before us who are walking a firm and by no means easy walk within their marriages. Whether you think you are getting married or not its important as women that we understand the role we play and who the head of the household is and even who he is supposed to be following. BUTTTTT I digress because that might have been too much and that is DEFINITELY another topic for another time. Anywho....Chaunece I hear you and I am right there with you. Examine your motives and perhaps you will not need to take so many precautionary measures before committing yourself to ONE MAN OR ONE WOMAN.
CHUUUUURCH!!!!! From beginning to END. & might I add *hairflip* lol
1<3
I do agree with everything that was said. But maybe I'm jaded from one of my parents being divorced twice and one remarrying a tuurrible *charles barkley voice* suitor. I've seen things fall apart and I've seen people change over time. I've seen the woman/man you marry be a totally different person years later. Although people give indicators of their true personality before hand, sometimes life happens and people change. I honestly don't know what I would do if I was presented with the idea of a pre-nup. I do know that I wouldn't entertain the idea if they weren't at least a millionaire. And at the same time I feel like you should know that I'd rather have my own than to live off of yours. I guess in conclusion I would say that in the state of things today, if you aren't going to take marriage seriously you should protect your assets because to a certain extent I agree with it....well rather I understand it.
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